While some people may see a job loss as a challenge that opens up new opportunities, most associate job loss with strong negative emotions. It is important to know that it is natural to have some negative feelings after a job loss (especially at first), and that most people
1. Experience them. Following are some feelings and experiences that you may have after losing your job.
Loss of Professional Identity: When you lose a job, you may lose part of your sense of self as well. Engineering and technical professionals identify strongly with their careers and being employed brings respect in the community and in the family. Unemployment can often lead to a loss of self-esteem.
Loss of a Network: The discomfort you feel upon losing a job may be worse when your social life has been strongly linked to the job. Many ongoing "work friendships" are suddenly halted. Old friends and colleagues often don't call because they feel awkward or don't know what to say. Many don't want to be reminded of what could happen to them. Also, a job loss can be difficult for all family members who enjoyed situations where work and social activities mix, such as with company picnics and dinner parties.
Emotional Unpreparedness: You might notice that some people you know don't take their job loss as hard as you have taken it. They might be more prepared for this time of uncertainty. Those who have never been unemployed may not be emotionally prepared for job loss and may be devastated when it happens. It is natural and appropriate to feel this way Studies show that those who change jobs frequently, or who are in occupations prone to cyclic unemployment, suffer far less emotional impact after job loss than those who have been steadily employed and who are unprepared for cutbacks.
This book is designed to help you get over your loss and move forward with your quest for employment. As you work through each chapter, your negative feelings should begin to be replaced with positive emotions as you complete steps and accomplish goals toward finding satisfying employment.
2. Adjusting
You can start adjusting to job loss by using a little psychology. Many studies have been done on how to deal with loss.
Psychologists have found that people often have an easier time dealing with loss if they know in advance what feelings they might experience during the "grieving process." Grief doesn't usually overwhelm us all at once; it usually is experienced in stages. The stages of loss or grief may include the following.
- Shock-you may not be fully aware of what has happened.
- Denial usually comes next-you cannot believe that the loss is real.
- Relief then enters the picture for some, and you feel a burden has lifted and opportunity waits.
- Anger often follows-you blame, often without reason, those you think might be responsible, including yourself.
- Depression may set in some time later, when you realize the reality of the loss.
It is helpful to monitor your reactions and control any adverse emotions. While you may experience the stages of grief outlined above, they may not necessarily occur in the order listed. If you experience strong negative emotions during these stages, you may need a break from your job search until you reach the acceptance stage. Most people can function in the earlier stages, as long as they remain aware of their feelings and are able to keep these
3. Handling Job Loss emotions from affecting their activities. For example, if you're still in angry stage, it's important to understand that express
ENGINEERING GRADUATES
People have always believed that finishing college would guarantee a good job and a solid future. Engineering graduates looking for work in a tight labor market may experience just the opposite-you may have difficulty finding a professional job, and the competition may be stiff or more experienced, out-of-work engineers are vying for the same jobs. Rejection in the job-search process can prove very frustrating. Whether you were laid off from your lost job or recently graduated from college, being unemployed and looking for work may prove emotionally difficult. You may experience periods of stress, depression, or erosion of self-esteem along the wooing your anger during a job interview could be self-defeating. The rest of this chapter contains some tips you might want to follow during the job-search process to keep yourself emotionally healthy and motivated to look for work.
KEEPING HEALTHY
Your body will be stressed to the limit as the challenges ahead test your strength and endurance. It is important to keep healthy.
Eat Properly
Eating right can help you stay fit and healthy; not only how you look, but also your sense of self-esteem can be affected by your eating habits. It is very easy to snack on junk food when you're home all day. Take time to plan your meals and snacks so they are well-balanced and nutritious. Eating properly will help you keep the good attitude you need during your job search.
Exercise
Include some form of exercise as part of your daily activities. Regular exercise reduces stress and depression and prevents a sense of lethargy. A planned, brisk walk every day, no matter what the weather, will provide a break from routine and renew your energy and can really help you get through those tough days. Consult your doctor before starting any exercise program.
Allow Time for Fun
When planning your time, be sure to build fun and relaxation into your schedule. Remember: You are allowed to enjoy life even if you are unemployed. Keep a list of activities or tasks that you want to accomplish, such as volunteer work, repairs around the house, or hobbies. When free time develops, you can refer to the list and have lots of things to do.
DEALING WITH FAMILY ISSUES
Unemployment is a stressful time for the entire family, so keep in mind that your family may experience adverse reactions to your job loss. For them, your unemployment means the loss of income and the fear of an uncertain future. They are also worried about your happiness. Following are some ways you can interact with your family to get through this tough time.
Talk to Your Family
Try to be open with family members even though it is hard. Discussions about your job search and the feelings you have allow your family to work as a group and support one another. Let your family know your plans and activities. Share with them how you will be spending your time. Discuss what additional family responsibilities you can take on when your job-search day is complete. Add these new responsibilities to your schedule.
Listen to Your Family
Find out your family's concerns and their suggestions. Perhaps there are ways they can assist you.
Build Family Spirit
You will need a great deal of support from your family in the months ahead, but they will also need yours.
Seek Outside Help
Join a family support group. Many community centers, mental health agencies, and colleges have support groups for the unemployed and their families. These groups can provide a place to let off steam and share frustrations. They can also be a place to get ideas on how to survive this difficult period. More information about support groups is presented later in this chapter
HELPING CHILDREN
Children may be deeply affected by a parent's unemployment. It is important for them to know what has happened and how it will affect the family. However, try not to overburden them with the responsibility of too many of the emotional or financial details.
Keep an Open Dialogue with Your Children
Letting your children know what is really going on is vital. Children have a way of imagining the worst when they write their own "scripts," so the facts can actually be far less devastating than what they envision.
Make Sure Your Children Know It's Not Anybody's Fault
Children may not understand about job loss and immediately think that you did something wrong to cause it. Or, they might feel that somehow they are responsible or financially burdensome. They need reassurance in these matters, regardless of their age.
Allow Children to Help
Children want to help, and letting them do something like taking a cut in allowance, deferring expensive purchases, or getting an after-school job can make them feel as if they are part of the team.
COPING WITH STRESS
Stress inevitably will be part of the job-search process. Here are some coping strategies that can help you deal with stress,
Identify and Reduce Stress
Identify the reason for stress, then think of possible ways to handle each one. Can some demands be altered, lessened, or postponed? Can you live with any of them just as they are? Are there some that you might be able to deal with more effectively? Using relaxation techniques or other stress-reduction techniques. Relaxing can be as simple as sitting in a chair, closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, and breathing out slowly while imagining all the tension going out with your breath. There are a number of other methods to relax, including listening to relaxation tapes, which may help you cope with stress more effectively. Check "Additional Sources of Information" in Chapter 12 for books offering instruction on these techniques. (Many of these resources are available at your public library.)
Set Priorities
Deal with the most pressing needs or changes in your life first, You cannot handle everything at once.
Establish a Workable Schedule When you set a schedule for yourself, make sure it is one that can be achieved. As you perform your tasks, you will feel a sense of control and accomplishment.
Avoid Isolation
Keep in touch with your friends-even former coworkers if you can do that comfortably. Unemployed individuals often feel a sense of isolation and loneliness. See your friends; talk with them; socialize with them. You are the same person you were before unemployment. The same goes for the activities that you may have enjoyed in the past. Evaluate them. Which can you afford to continue? If you find that your old hobbies or activities can't be part of your new budget scheme, perhaps you can substitute new activities that are less costly.
Might be, they may not be able to understand all that you're going through. You might be able to find help and understanding at a job-seekers' support group.
These groups consist of people who are going through the same experiences and emotions you are. Many groups also share tips on job opportunities as well as feedback on ways to deal more effectively in the job-search process. The National Business Employment Weekly, available at major newsstands, lists support groups throughout the country. Local churches, YMCA's, YWCA's and libraries often list (or even facilitate) support groups. A list of self-help clearing houses (some of which cover the unemployed) is available from the National Self-Help Clearinghouse, 25 West 43rd Street, Room 620, New York, NY 10036.
Forty Plus is a national nonprofit organization and is an excellent source of information about clubs around the country and issues concerning older employees and the job-search process. Their address is 15 Park Row, New York, NY 10038. Their telephone number is (212) 233-6086.
KEEPING YOUR SPIRITS UP Following are some ways you can build your self-esteem and avoid depression.
You can expect to live negative emotions periodically during a long job search. But a positive mental attitude is essential in bringing the job-search process to a satisfactory conclusion.
List Your Positives
Make a list of your positive qualities and your successes. This list is always easier to make when you are feeling good about yourself. Perhaps you can enlist the assistance of a close friend or caring relative, or wait for a sunnier moment. Once you have your list, replay it in your mind frequently. Associate the replay with an activity you do often; for example, you might review the list in your mind every time you go to the refrigerator. Review the list when you are feeling down or when you need energy before you attempt some difficult task.
Recall Successes Take time every day to recall a success.
Use Realistic Standards Avoid the trap of evaluating yourself using impossible standards that come from others. You are in a particular phase of your life; don't dwell on what you think society regards as success. Remind yourself that success will again be yours.
Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Know your strengths. What things are you good at? What skills do you have? Do you need to leam new skills? Everyone has limitations. What are yours? Are there certain job duties that are just not right for you and that you might want to avoid? Balance your limitations against your strong skills so that you don't let the negatives eat at your self-esteem. Incorporate this knowledge into your career planning.
Picture Success
Practice visualizing positive results or outcomes and view them in your mind before any events. Play out the scene in your imagination and picture yourself successful in whatever you're about to attempt.
Build Success
Make a "to do" list. Include small, achievable tasks. Divide the tasks on your list into an individual list for every day so you will have some successes daily. Keeping Your Spirits Up 9
Surround Yourself with Positive People
Socialize with family and friends who are supportive. You want to be around people who will pick you up, not knock you down. You know who your fans are. Try to find time to be around them. It can really make you feel good.
Volunteer
Give something of yourself to others through volunteer work. It will help you to feel more worthwhile, and it may actually give you new skills. Hospitals, for example, are a good place to direct your first volunteer efforts.
LOOKING FOR A NEW BEGINNING
Are you very depressed? As hard as it is to be out of work, it also can be a new beginning. A new direction may emerge that will change your life in positive ways. This may be a good time to re evaluate your attitudes and outlook.
Live in the Present
The past is over and you cannot change it. Learn from your mistakes and use that knowledge to plan for the future-then let the past go. Don't dwell on it or relive it over and over don't be over powered by guilt.
Take Responsibility for Yourself
Try not to complain about or blame others. Save your energy for activities that result in positive experiences.
Roll with the Punches
Learn to accept what you cannot change, but realize that, in most situations, you do have some control. Your reactions and your behavior are in your control and will often influence the outcome of events.
Keep the Job Search under Your Own Command
Controlling your own job search will give you a sense of control and prevent passivity from setting in. Enlist everyone's aid in your search, but make sure you do most of the work.
Talk Things Out with Confidants
Admit to friends how you feel so you can deal more effectively with your emotions. For example, if you realize you're angry, find a positive way to vent it, perhaps through exercise.
Pinpoint and Face Your Fears
"Naming the enemy" is the best strategy for relieving vague feelings of anxiety. By facing what you actually fear you can see how realistic your fears are.
Be Confident
Think creatively, stay flexible, take risks and don't be afraid of failure. Try not to take rejection personally. Think of it as information that will help you later in your search. Take criticism as a way to learn more about yourself. Keep plugging away at the job search despite those inevitable setbacks. Most important, forget magic-what lies ahead is hard work!
SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP
If your depression won't go away, or if it leads you to self-destructive behaviors, such as abuse of alcohol or drugs, you may wish to ask a professional for help. Many people who have never sought professional assistance before find that in a time of crisis it really helps to have someone to listen and who can give needed aid. Consult your local mental health clinics, social services agencies, or professional counselors for help for yourself and for family members who are affected by your unemployment. Some assistance may be covered by your health insurance, or, if you do not have insurance, counseling is often available on a sliding-scale fee based on income.
